health | love

I have had a revelation. Like every other blog post. Apparently this blog is going to be all my weird ramblings that I used to put in notebooks... Oh well. I had nothing better planned, to be honest...

So here it is: I do not love myself enough and it is the source of all my undoing. I have been overweight and out of shape pretty much my whole life since I hit puberty. I have tried all sorts of things. Nothing has made a lasting difference. And it is because all of them were either based on negative self talk and guilt, or they involved unsustainable rules.

I've been thinking so much about how I want to spend my time and where to allocate resources lately. And diet and exercise were always a consideration, but I did not think of them the same way I thought about everything else. They were the negative part. The "I assume I can't do this before I even start" part. The "You should have been doing this for years" part. The "Why are you so lazy and weak-willed" part. No more. In the immortal words of the great Liz Lemon, "Shut it down."

From here on out, I am all about the self love. A healthier diet and time spent doing yoga will be a part of that because I truly believe eating well helps me feel good overall, not just in some annoying "I ate a carrot so I can feel OK about the cupcake later" kind of way, and I genuinely like doing yoga. But the primary focus is self love.

I have been reading lovely things on IG for a chunk of the day and wanted to do something a little more tangible about this new plan. So after 10 sun salutations and 3 minutes in "legs up the wall" pose, I am now going to list some things I love about myself.
Yup - I am that self-indulgent. And I own that.


I am honest
I try to see things from other perspectives
I assume I don't know all the answers and that my current thoughts and beliefs can and will change over time
I want everyone to be happy. Every. One.
I smile at people every day
I tell my kid and my man I love them all the time
I want to help people but I also try not to be up in their face about it
I am loving and I am kind
I am working on also being patient
My instinct is to be direct and clear in all dealings and I succeed at that most of the time. I love how much better I get at it with every hard conversation I have.
I love that I am not nearly as competitive as I once was.
I want to laugh over fight or cry and most of the time I do
I don't like drama and am good at avoiding or defusing it
I can bake like a motherfucker
I'm not a bad cook, either
I am tough and I am strong and I will fight for me and mine, and you and yours, and them and theirs, whenever I think the fight is just.
I love change