Man, do I hate stress. I am just so sick of telling myself it is unhelpful, working on steps to prevent or alleviate it, feel better for a while, only to be thrown off by some new issue. And I feel like I could be better about having routines and such in my life regularly to ease stress regardless of what sparks it. But that never seems to be the case.
Now I am all in a tizzy because my fiance's job has been super crazy for, oh, about a year. His stress, resulting bad mood, and inability to focus on anything but his job has left me feeling unwanted and unliked. Intellectually, I recognize this is silly. We moved to a new area and neither of us has enough going on outside of our jobs (for him, outside the home, for me, taking care of Cash), we are bored and lonely much of the time, and we need to get a life already! But that doesn't change the fact that it's hard to make the adjustment and emotions are what they are - they don't really give a fuck about what your mind thinks of them.
And then someone close to me who has been struggling with alcohol off and on for years had a couple of weeks of doing well, seeming to get her shit together, and now she's texting me at 2am from a gas station again... It could be nothing. But it never is. We were hanging out just yesterday in her clean apartment, talking about potential jobs, if she should move to new location for better access to jobs, eating pizza and laughing. It was so happy. And now I feel like it's all over. Again, intellectually - that's ridiculous. But I'm in a funk anyway. Slept terribly, had weird dreams, am surrounded by my loving peeps and still feel... just down.
